Neeed to sleep! I woke up at 5 today. 7 hours sleep in two days! Waaaaa! Mummy needed help to clean the holidays house in Mondello because we had to welcome a family there and also another in Palermo, a lot of work in a day! In fact she was very tired at dinner. I’d have liked to have stay in Mondello to go to the beach, but I really needed to sleep. I even fell asleep on the sofa while waiting for my mum to finish cleaning the kitchen so that I could keep working there! When I arrived home, I had lunch and made a hole in the sofa.
In the evening I watched an episode of The Vampires Diaries 5 (I’m finally finishing it and then I have to watch the first season of The Originals and, as promised to Asia, the third and fourth of Teen Wolf…yeees, I’m very good at keeping up my fave series…don’t you see….?)…and I was going to watch another when Alberto called me and asked me out! I purposed even to come picking me up. It was very nice of him! But…I couldn’t. I didn’t want to get problems with dad and didn’t want to argue anymore, so I just turned it down. And if for the first time I thought to do something in hiding, I couldn’t do it either because my parents would have been home in a couple of hours. We talked at the phone for an hour but I didn’t notice it until we finished! He’s funny, I laugh a lot…but sometimes it’s like he’s addicted to make humor…also without….thinking. He doesn’t need to listen to all I have to say about something, he cut me off and keeps talking and making humor, but surprisingly he has the answers also for what he didn’t give me the time to say. It’s so weird! Ahah He’s an entertainer. A show man. Medicine isn’t his way. I still find a little awkward talking to him at the phone. I need face-to-face time to get used to people. After that hour I told him I had to go…he asked me where and I replayed “nowhere” and he said that I had said I had to go. Weird pt. 2 ahah I wanted to watch The Vampire Diaries before going to have a shower to go out…and the less you make guys think you care the better. I’ve noticed it in these last months. People love struggling because of feeling refused. The more you don’t get through to people the more they get through to you. The world revolves in the wrong direction. We said we could meet in the night or in the next days, but although he tried to come to Mondello, he had to go in another place and we couldn’t meet. We’re meeting on Friday. He wanted to tell me that his promise about bringing me to watch a good starry sky is true…and that every promise is a debt for him. I spent my night with Zummo, Cla, Ciccio, Aurora and others on the beach. Giulio, a friend of Zummo’s, came here from Modena for holidays. Adriano turned up the music when Giulio gave us a lift. That sense of freedom with the glass oneped and the music and the wind!
All for today,
Yesterday I went to Mondello with Zummo and Ciccio. The sea wasn’t as clear as usually. Actually I’m very surprised that this year it’s always very clear. Nothing to envy to other islands! It could be for the weather. It’s a strangely colder summer than the ones we’re used to here. That’s good so that I can still sleep in my bedroom without the need for conditioned air. Summer is summer: it’s so strange this way. But I appreciate that I’m not diyng for heat.
We were at Manfredi’s in the evening, because we wanted to meet all together before Asia, Manfri and Condi left and Zummo, Claudio and I went to Etnaland. Asia fell asleep in the evening (as usual) and was very late (as usual). So I uselessly felt guilty for not going there very early. We played Taboo! I had done it only once with Miryam when I was in middle school but didn’t know the real rules! It was so funny! We made girl vs boys! Condi felt winner because I said I had never played it before and Zummo boasted to be very good at it…but karma’s done his job and we girls won! Ahah I wanted to go bed at midnight, but I couldn’t sleep before 2 am. Manfri needed to talk. Maybe he’s in love. And I’m happy. And I’d be more if he could be afraid less, surprise Asia and get her to fall for him. It could be the right time! I don’t want to tell Asia about it, because she wouldn’t like to know. Everything would lose magic! I believe in the magic of crush ahah without magic they’re nothing. She need magic and I want her to get it this time.
I slept only two hours and I have to wake up at 5 am tomorrow. I don’t know how but I’m still alive and hope to survive! Tomorrow I have to help mummy clean the house in Mondello. I hope not to be too tired for a swim after work! Today was a great one! We finally went to Etnaland! I almost still can’t believe it! We haaaad so much fun! A very good time! And the two times in Jungle Splash and last two slides of the day in the Black Hole have been a brilliant idea! Thank you, Claudio, love you for these things. I had also some slides with Valentina, Zummo’s girl, and Francesca, I’m really glad of having a good time with them. I won my fear of Twin Twister! I got it this timeee! The yellow tube took me luck.
When we were on the pullman for coming back home, I listened to some music (at a point Adriano, Zummo’s brother, stole my iPod first, then we listened together to some Green Day, Muse, Coldplay and Red Hot Chili Peppers…everything I have of Red Hot ahahah I thought he was sleeping, so I chose some calm songs, but then he suddenly opened his eyes and told me to change, that’s how we turn to more rock!). When I was listening to Khaled I found myself smiling alone with my eyes closed, as I was crazy! Luckily everyone was happily sleeping. I imagined myself with my friends going to “Kebab” (how we call La Traviata, our usual kebab restaurant in the Olivella) and then at a point arrives the man with his speakers integrated bike and turns “C’est la Vie” on and I start to dance with him and Sabri comes out on the doorstep and watches smiling, that smile. Sweet. Warm. (I don’t know why I imagined to sit around the table with Zak and Badr, but ok). And I felt so happy dancing there…that song puts me always in a good mood! I love its video of all those guys dancing! Above all hip-hop! And there’s a dance step it’s years I wished I could learn…and finally I did this year thanks to Federica! I’m also getting addicted to one of A Fault in Our Stars’ songs! “Boom Boom Clap”! Gabriele tagged me in a video of Kyle Hanagami dancing on it! His choreography is incredible! “Some things never change” said Kyle. Gabriele and I never change. I hope. He knew I would be addicted to that (and I know Gabriele will be dancing with Justin Timberlake around the world in some years). I can’t even figure it out whether I love the song and stop or I love that choreography, so that I started to love that song. It’s been stuck in my head for 24 hours!
Alberto keeps getting in touch with me. He texted me also some verses of a song saying something like “I’ll take you the moon…” ahahah and it reminded me about Alessandro. He promised me a star once. Maybe it was our first conversation. Without maybe. It was a little weird but funny, we were joking!
“Alexander, so you want to conquer the world!”
“Even the moon! And I’ll take you that or even a star if you want!”
…or something like that.
I told Alberto that a guy promised me a star and he said that guy was a lier ahah Alberto seems addicted to watching the night sky as I am lately. He promised to take me in a nice place to watch it. Too many promises in my life. But he makes me smile. He’s always so…esuberant?!
I really need to sleeeeep.
Nothing new from the line. I worked out the problems with daddy…and he even accepted to accompany me to the beach. What’s wrong with us? We’ll have to clarify and solve it sooner or later.
I was with Zummi, Ciccio and there were also Riccardo and Daniele. I’d like they two to start hanging out more often with us of “the group”. Yes, it’s turning into a real group. (Manfredi (I don’t realise where he turned up from yet ahah), Condi, Cla, Zummi, Lu, Asia..and me). I saw Giacomo today. He hugged me from my back while I was wondering on my clouds, he’s so nice. I truly appreciate him when he’s not…trying shamelessly..with…me? Well, yes. He’s sweet in some way and I’m even starting to think that he may be more serious than I thought he could be. Not that I like serious people, but I don’t like anyone to try making fun of me. Being a little proud doesn’t hurt anyone. He’s more…spontaneous like it. He doesn’t say anything only because he thinks that’s what I need to listen to: he really thinks what he says. I appreciate it. He texted me afterwards: “You’re so fucking beautiful. One day you’ll be my girlfriend”. I smiled. Everyone would have smiled reading that somebody thinks that of you and he’s not a pervert. I appreciate a little less that he waited until I went away, the sun set and the darkness fell down to tell me, when he just could have come to me when we were there…in person. It’s a compliment. Why always to hide behind that damn phone? Why not to ask me out…even with my friends? It’d be easier. The last winter he used to complain about me not being so effusive to him, but I just didn’t know him enough yet to feel like that. I don’t care about sms conversations. I want bones, flesh and blood in front of me and I need to share some moments with that person to feel like that. Maybe I think too much? I’m just trying to get a point of this situation, of…me.
Moving on to another topic, I know it’s not my business but I wish Lucrezia understood what Toni could be for her, I mean, I ship them so much! Although I don’t know him very well! But he’s her bestfriend and love her! How can she pretend that’s nothing to deal with? I don’t know if he deserves all this wait, because, as I said, I don’t know him well, but in this period I feel so sad everytime I see some “half-closed door”. That’s something good at the end, because it means I’m not getting totally apathetic. It all may be also due to my weird “female period of the month”, you know? ahah
I talked about tattoos (I know, I know: topic of the week!) with Ciccio and Zummi. Zummi said he wants to get “la vida loca” tattoed. It’s so him! I’d like to get a sentence translated in arabic or some symbol. I still haven’t thought about it seriously. I’m waiting for a reason to get a tattoo, when it comes, I won’t need to choose, that moment means I’ll know what to choose. By the way I like also those henna tattoos Indian girls get on their hands! But…tattoed…with…ink in my case ahah.
Tomorrow I’ll see Asia to tell her good-bye for a whole month. I’ll miss her. Already said?
(The Vampire Diaries 5x12)
Ok. Let’s try to make the point:
1. I strongly believe I should go away after high school (sadly my parents have to pay for this, so it’s not only up to me) every single day more.
2. I want to be myself and only myself.
3. I think heart deith piercing is coming soon, because I love it (that sounds weird).
I should’ve gone with Ale to the beach today, but my “female side” took the best of my future 5 days and it’d have been useless to go there. It’s three days I’ve been telling him we’ll see, but the irony of fate got us. I spent my evening with Manfredi, after a ten minutes car traveling long discussion with my parents. About? Nothing. Manfredi won’t be going to see me again in my opinion ahah I got his mind with all my stupid complaints about it.
It’s just I can’t stand this kind of situation with my dad anymore. Why can’t he just tell me what he thinks? No, he just tells my mum! How should I know he doesn’t approve something if he doesn’t tell me? Sorry if I’m not able to read mind yet! I’d like to, above all to understand why some guys like to let the doors half-closed. Open or close it. Two choices are enough, aren’t they? It hurts. I prefer to pass as the mean one instead of leaving people on edge.
I just wish my dad would accept me as I am. He used to before, but now (it’s stupid that I speak like I’m in a teenager series) I feel he finally see who I really am and he wants me to be someone else I can’t be of course. Then I realize that in the end he loves me, that I talk this way because I’m the daughter and he’s my dad and we have to keep our roles in the sit-com, and that probably, as I said before, the fact that I’m growing up makes him feel like I’m going away from him. But if it keeps going like that, that is exactly what’s going to happen. He doesn’t think what he says, then why to say that? I’m used to discussions with my mum, but my father, it’s different. He haven’t needed to scream at me or nothing, just THAT glance telling me “hey, you’ve done something very bad this time”. It’s painful when he says I’ve not my head screwed on, I don’t keep my feet on the ground, because I do, I’ve always been doing it, since when they told me to deal with my school mates and teacher on my own at primary school. I’m just trying to have a plan for my future. What does he know about me? What he pretends to know by now. What do I know about him? Maybe nothing but I don’t pretend to. He doesn’t recognize me anymore? Ok, but as long as I recognize myself everything is in the right place. We’re different. Why not to accept it? He says I’m the asocial one of the family (composed by three people, so that there isn’t so much choice anyway and I’d be surprised if he didn’t talk no longer to his wife, my mum), but when I talk to him, it’s as if he didn’t listen to me and if he does, he reply to something else as if what he starts talking about is the topic of my speech…and if he listens to me by chance, he never remember what I said then. So why to talk? We don’t like the same kind of films, he’s tired to play table games, when we go out all together, if we don’t argue, they have bored faces. Even music. We have something to share, but it’s like it’s all gone now. I do love them, so much! I know they do love me as well, but they also say a lot of things that sounds weird for me. They’ve to realize it! I know I’ve a good deal of freedom, but it’s like I’ve always their anxiety on my shoulders. Stop it. I should feel free, but I feel a prisoner. There’re always too many conditions. We can’t even argue for the Palestinian conflict or about my views of muslims, people, life styles, studies, it’s too much. I can get he’s worried about me being involved in something bad, but I’m not going anywhere at now. I’m here and I don’t do anything scandalous! They find these problems probably because they don’t sometimes get how lucky we are. These are no real problems. I always tell them. They say not to make comparisons? Well, but neither have to do they, because they also don’t have anything to complain about. It’s funny that they spend their life talking as open-minded people to my uncles telling them to leave my cousins more free and trust them. But what they do with me? They trust me but don’t trust the world around? It’s not an excuse. Let me breathe. And we can’t always argue and then do as if nothing happened! There are too many unsolved questions. Do we have to pretend just to let me keep going out and doing what I need to? Ok, let’s pretend. I’m tired of leaving my time apart to defend my thoughts and try to fix everything and find a meeting point.
I found a website where I can buy that heart deith piercing! I tried to look for it in Miele shop today, but it took time off, so it’s closed, I’ll try later. It may cost less there than on internet, for shipping fee of course. I’ll get this piercing hole only if I can have this heart on my ear, because it’s nice and…elegant in some way ahahah It should be my last ear piercing. It’s something like a tradition: I get my first two the first year of primary school, the third during the first year of middle school, the fourth during the first of high school..and when I finish school I want my last (odd number is the way yuppy!) and I think this is nice.
I also asked for information about nose piercing and there’s a way of getting it that I didn’t know before. I’ll get it in september, I think. I’m convinced enough now! And I’d like to have a ring of these (http://www.maraismara.com/). Ok maybe too many desire.
I wished my deepest ones to the falling stars I saw while I was in Cefalù (and it’s not the same I wished years ago to other stars and Trevi’s funtain and so on…maybe I changed my mind…or give up to that. Don’t I desire to be a dancer anymore? Really?).
Let’s go back watch The Vampire Diaries. 5x11 and 5x12 today. Katherine is immortal. Damon is sweeeeety. Klaus is…surprising.